IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #taxes #contribution #society #responsibilities #members
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present world,
citizens
Use synonyms
 have been paying a desirable amount of taxes, providing countries with revenue.
While
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it is a big deal for them as
citizens
Use synonyms
, others believe that there are
further
Linking Words
 duties that should be done beyond paying levies. Analyzing both arguments from social and economic sides, I think the former opinion proves
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 verifiable with the facts. The circularity of taxation maintains the fund of the
country
Use synonyms
, which
then
Linking Words
 capitalizes on several sectors within the city.
For instance
Linking Words
, free education, health centres, and clean surroundings with high trees are being invested in by the government since they have money given by tariffs.
Also
Linking Words
, authority takes action to mitigate several maladies,
such
Linking Words
 as violent crime, poverty, and water shortage .
However
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
' responsibilities are integral more than paying taxes. How can
people
Use synonyms
’s efforts bear fruit for countries' prosperity ? Apparently, a
country
Use synonyms
’s future prosperity depends, to an extent, upon the quality of education of its
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, intelligent individuals' efforts carry great weight towards the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, being a professor of a particular
country
Use synonyms
, the inventions made will be well-known
as well as
Linking Words
 the
country
Use synonyms
's name.
Moreover
Linking Words
, farmers entrepreneurs provide most of the
country
Use synonyms
's employment market with either temporary or permanent workplaces.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social activities can be prolonged by the community. Being a resident of the place,
people
Use synonyms
 participate in several events,
such
Linking Words
 as local elections, meetings, and campaigns.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals should advocate for the city's sake whenever they are. Even when they are abroad, they should have respect for their birthplace. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 should not only pay taxes monthly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 they should be able to attend social and local occasions. By engaging in these activities,
citizens
Use synonyms
 help build a stronger, more resilient, and prosperous society
Submitted by minimix1203 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion on both views and provides a well-articulated opinion. However, there are a few aspects you could improve: 1. Avoid redundant phrases such as 'a desirable amount of taxes.' Precise and succinct language will help improve clarity. 2. Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and relatable. 3. Work on sentence variety and advanced vocabulary to elevate your essay's quality.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and the introduction and conclusion are both clearly present. Here are some tips for improvement: 1. Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This helps in maintaining the flow of the essay and keeps the reader engaged. 2. Avoid repetition of ideas. For instance, mentioning the same responsibilities in different ways can make the essay less cohesive. 3. Proofread your essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve sentence coherence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion on both viewpoints. You clearly state your opinion and offer a conclusion that aligns with your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are distinct and provide a good framework for your argument. This helps in giving the essay a complete structure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: