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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009
#show #methods #transport #people #university
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The pie charts illustrate the primary module of commute of folk
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 particular university in 2004 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of students were willing to use
car
Correct article usage
a car
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 and bus,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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 Lowes percentage of them would rather
transferred
Wrong verb form
transfer
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 by train or walk.
According to
Linking Words
 these statistics,
about
Change preposition
regarding
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 the percentage of pupils who prefer to
consumption
Replace the word
consume
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 of
car
Add an article
the car
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, there was a significant decline from 51% to 28%
in
Change preposition
from
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 2004 to 2009.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the consumption of people who used
bus
Add an article
the bus
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 as
vehicle
Add an article
a vehicle
the vehicle
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of
Change preposition
for
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 their commute was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place with 33% in 2004,
while
Linking Words
 there was in the first stage in 2009 by 46%.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per cent of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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, there was a marginal rise from 9% to 16% in 2004 and 2009 respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage of train and
walk
Replace the word
walking
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grown
Wrong verb form
grew
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 by added 1% and 2% in 2009 and stood at just about 4% and 6% in the
last
Linking Words
 data.
Submitted by amirhsina on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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