TOPIC 4: It is thought by some that it’s better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Everyone has their own choice of environment living.
While
it is considered by some that countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
are
more comfortable to live in, there are others who believe that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
cities
provide a better quality of life
. In my opinion, cities
bring so many advantages over the rural area.
There are people
who argue that living in the countryside has significant health benefits. The lower risk of air pollution is better for people
’s health. It is because there are not many industrial zones in this
area, as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
people
living in rural areas are less likely to suffer from respiratory diseases because of the lack of air pollution. Also
, mental health is enhanced because of the fresh and peaceful atmosphere. For example
, many city
people
choose the countryside as their vacation destination.
Others, on the other hand
, claim that the city
offers various kinds of facilities, such
as shopping malls, universities, cinemas, hospitals and restaurants. So that, it would not be difficult for the city
’s residents in finding
education centres, food or entertainment. Change preposition
to find
Besides
, people
have the opportunity to find well-paid jobs or a path to personal financial growth in the city
. For example
, the top 100 companies in Forbes are in New York where there is a much larger population, secondly
, there is good infrastructure, finally
, in the cities
they have many more developed services and technologies. It means that in New York, people
are more likely to be able to find the job they wanted
.
Wrong verb form
want
Last
, I strongly believe that city
life
is better. Cities
provide better job opportunities and other amenities. Most industries and reputed educational institutions are located in urban areas. By contrast
, people
living in rural areas often have to migrate to cities
for higher education or better job
. Not only Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
this
, the complex transportation system connects all the dots around the city
to make it easier to commute downtown. This
helps residents' city
save commuting time.
In summary, although
the countryside's overall
lifestyle is healthier than in the city
, rural life
ignores too many modern conveniences . Each individual has to decide what they value most but most should choose city
life
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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides an overview of the topic but could be more engaging and could present a clear opinion. The conclusion could be stronger with a clearer opinion and summary of main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, with ideas generally well organized. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the logical flow of ideas and improve coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but a more precise and varied use of vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the essay and demonstrate a more nuanced command of language.
grammatical range
The essay displays a good range of complex structures and generally accurate use of grammar. However, occasional errors and lack of sentence variety prevent a higher score in this criterion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example