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Band 5

Medical procedures for cosmetics purposes should not be allowed. Do you agree or this agree

#procedures #cosmetics #purposes #agree
The number of
people
 who conduct plastic
surgeries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 growing in size nowadays, some are against
such
 behaviours and suggest it should be banned,
however
, I am in favour of supporting
such
 medical procedures
due to
 various advantages. On the one hand, opponents argue that cosmetic
surgeries
 are not only expensive but contain high risks, which cause many dies on
surgery
 tables In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nations, there are regulations
deter
Correct pronoun usage
that deter
show examples
 young
people
 from changing their appearance for
cosmetics
Change the noun form
cosmetic
show examples
 purposes since they might regret
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future.
Moreover
, the popularity of plastic
surgeries
 could provoke
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
 in societies, including the deterioration of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discrimination in appearance which is unfair for those who refuse to change their look to satisfy the modern standard of beauty. Take Korea as an example, it is common for their residents to improve their appearance through plastic
surgery
,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 parents will
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 money for their children to have cosmetic
surgery
 when they
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 up.
On the other hand
, I do not think
such
 medical procedures should be banned
due to
 various positive effects,
such
 as those who got in serious accidents which cause great damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their face
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
surgery
 as
such
 to get their normal
life
 back.
For example
, with the help of cosmetic
surgeries
survivers
Correct your spelling
survivors
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fire
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
 are able to
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 a normal
life
 again. On top of that, since
people
 with good looking enjoy many privileges in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
life
,
people
 should be allowed to make
adjustment
Fix the agreement mistake
adjustments
show examples
 if they think it is necessary to improve their
competitive
Replace the word
competitiveness
show examples
 in the workplace.
For instance
, being
good looking
Add a hyphen
good-looking
show examples
 is essential to become flight
attendants
Fix the agreement mistake
attendant
show examples
, those who have no advantage but want to work in
such
 industries should be able to change their
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams. To summarise it is inevitable that the popularity of cosmetic
surgeries
 could foster various drawbacks to societies.
However
, I personally believe
such
 medical
behavirous
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 should
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 be forbidden since it could help
people
 to have a better
life
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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