Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people pf different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Music
today is considered to gather
people
from different countries and ages together. In my view, I totally agree that
music
is a connection between
people
from other backgrounds in the
world
.
This
essay will outline that
music
gets
people
who have the same taste and personality.
Moreover
, it
also
promotes their cultures to
people
all around the
world
. Regarding
people
's view,
music
is believed to be a means to strike up friendships between
people
in other nations. Through
music
, they can find
people
who have the same kind of
music
or hobby as them and make friends regardless of the difference in generation.
Furthermore
,
music
can be the power for
people
to overcome difficulties and it is a part of our lives.
For example
, a song
name
Replace the word
named
show examples
"
see tinh
Correct your spelling
See Tinh
show examples
" by a singer in Vietnam
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
famous worldwide and everybody in the
world
react positively to
this
song.
Music
is
also
a good way to let
people
in the
world
know about their traditions. When the song is being performed,
people
in another country will have a chance to explore your country's customs, even your national language become famous and well-known by
people
around the
world
.
In addition
, singers in one country can cooperate with others in different countries to make an explosion in
music
billboards.
For instance
, a famous concert called "Born Pink" has been performed all over the
world
which
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
show examples
huge fans. In conclusion,
music
today plays a vital role in our life and it has done its mission very well that it is the means to connect
people
with the same passion together.
Submitted by phantung1306 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing how music brings people from different cultures and ages together. Make sure to support your points with more specific examples and elaborate on the connections between music and cultural exchange.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but consider expanding on the introduction to provide a clearer preview of the main points. Improve cohesion by using transitions to connect ideas more smoothly throughout the essay.
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