If you could make two changes in the educational system of your country, what aspects would you change? Support your ideas with reasons and examples and discuss how the changes you suggest would improve the system.

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The improvement of the educational

system

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is a common topic of discussion worldwide. Governments and

education

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authorities take essential steps to enhance both local and global

education

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such

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as transitioning from traditional books to digital screens. In

this

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essay, we will explore some key suggestions to enhance the

education

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system

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To begin

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with, changing school and university systems requires thorough research from educational consultants to determine the most effective strategies.

For example

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, a study conducted by Harvard University in 2021 demonstrated the impact of replacing a large number of teachers with educators who hold a Master’s degree.

As a result

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, students' cumulative grade point averages increased

due to

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higher-quality teaching.

Although

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this

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is an expensive initiative, it has proven to yield significant academic improvements.

Therefore

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, implementing a similar change in my city could be beneficial.

Additionally

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, another valuable suggestion is the integration of face-to-face and digital classes.

This

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method was widely implemented during the COVID-19 pandemic to ensure educational continuity

while

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minimizing health risks. Nowadays, it would be useful to repeat

this

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experience, as it has a positive impact on the

education

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system

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. A recent poll conducted by researchers in Japan asked families about the advantages and disadvantages of blended learning. The results showed a significant preference for

this

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method

due to

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its flexibility and effectiveness.

Consequently

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, governments should consider adopting

this

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approach permanently.

To conclude

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, various improvements can positively shape students' academic futures. Enhancing the quality of teaching and integrating digital learning are both viable solutions. In my opinion, adopting these suggestions would significantly benefit the

education

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system

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and contribute to cultural and intellectual progress.

kalmah.sa20Mon Mar 03 2025

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coherence and cohesion

While the essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing the connection between ideas and ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs could improve coherence.

task achievement

Although you provide interesting examples, including more specific data or case studies could strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a strong grasp of the topic.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant suggestions for improving the educational system and explores them with examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

The use of varied sentence structures and vocabulary shows a good grasp of language, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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If you could make two changes in the educational system of your country, what aspects would you change? Support your ideas with reasons and examples and discuss how the changes you suggest would improve the system.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Air tranport is increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to other countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. Some people say this is good but other believe the use air transport for this purpose is not justified. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion.