IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what exxtent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#aim #science #people #lives #exxtent #answers
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Science
 is an important key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human civilization and it should increase
people’s
 quality of life. The improvement of
science
 has proved to have
much benefit
Change the quantifier
many benefits
show examples
 for human life.
For example
, in the realm of medicine, the discovery of plague
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, chemical processes, and the human body creates a comprehensive study to cure diseases. The doctors can
also
 give us advice on how to live a healthy life and prevent sickness. Another example is the remarkable advance of technologies which can help many tasks of human activities, increasing
people’s
 productivity. One of the best breakthroughs is the
internet
. Everyone around the globe can connect with the
internet
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 medium of sharing information. People can access various kinds of knowledge using the
internet
, making it easy for people to study and work. We can
also
 communicate effectively without worrying about the place or time to meet. Those examples should be sufficient to deliver my reasons to agree with the purpose of
science
 to improve
people’s
lives
. But that advancement can be bad if we do not set an ethical threshold
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the process of
science
. If the doctors do not have ethical codes, they may be experimenting with
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
lives
 and bodies, making them suffer an unthinkable pain for the sake of
science
 without their concern. Bad things
also
 could happen if we use the
science
 behind the
internet
 to break
people’s
 privacy or to scam and rob others. Bullying,
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
, trickery, or crime now can be done online which are not improving
people’s
lives
 to be better, but rather worsen
people’s
lives
.
That is
 the reason why people should use
science
 for good intentions and in a good way, to help each other and improve one another’s
lives
.
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Task Response
To improve your task response, ensure that you address the question directly and comprehensively. Expand on your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to fully cover the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly. Also, consider organizing your paragraphs in a way that each represents a unique aspect of your argument for clearer progression.
Language
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Using a variety of complex sentences can showcase your language proficiency effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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