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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More students are deciding to study science-related subjects at university rather than more traditional subjects. What is the main cause of this? What effect will it have on society.

Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 with those traditional
majors
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such
Linking Words
 as literature, history or philosophy,
majors
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 like science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) are more attractive among college
students
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.
Higher
Correct article usage
A higher
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 rate of employment and better financial rewards can be considered as
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 reasons.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may cause a
shortage
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 of
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
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 in some specific fields in society. Employability and salary are the two most important factors for
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 to choose their major in university
,
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apply
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 because the main purpose of professional studying is
helping
Change the verb form
to help
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 them to be fully prepared for their future job. Picking science-related subjects may be the easiest way which
lead
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leads
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 them to enjoy a guaranteed prospect after graduation.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the survey “Report of employability and income of fresh
graduate
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graduates
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 in China 2022” done by Beijing University:
hiring
Correct article usage
the hiring
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 rate of
students
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 from STEM was 30% higher than other
majors
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, and their first-year average income was
also
Linking Words
 20% higher.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 may result in a
shortage
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 of specific manpower in society. If a large amount of talents influx into specific areas like coding or engineering, it
also
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 means that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 people are willing to get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
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 in other traditional fields and
Correct article usage
a talents’
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talents’
Change noun form
talents
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shortage
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 may appear in related industries.
For instance
Linking Words
, in recent years, Canada keeps hiring nurses from developing countries,
while
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 the
shortage
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 of
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
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 continues to grow because local
students
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 have lower willing to study nursing. In the long run,
this
Linking Words
 will lower the working efficiency of
medical
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the medical
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 system in
this
Linking Words
 country. In conclusion, more
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to learn science-related
majors
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instead
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 of traditional ones because
this
Linking Words
 choice can bring them
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 rate of employment and salary,
while
Linking Words
 society may suffer from a
shortage
Use synonyms
 of manpower in some specific industries, and fail to function effectively.

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