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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table illustrates the secondary and high school teacher’s salaries in five different countries in 2009.

The table illustrates the secondary and high school teacher’s salaries in five different countries in 2009.
#school #teacher’s #salaries #five #countries
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The table illustrates the secondary and high school teacher’s salaries in five different
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
teachers
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 in
Luxembourg
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 were paid the most,
teachers
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 in Australia were the
lowest-paid
Correct your spelling
lowest paid
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the amount of time
teachers
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 in
Denmark
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 took to get the maximum salary
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 much faster than in other
countries
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. High school and secondary
teachers
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 in
Luxembourg
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 starting their job were paid $80,000 a year,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
teachers
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 in
Denmark
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 received less than twice as much as the teacher in
Luxembourg
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the starting salary for an inexperienced teacher in other
countries
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 stood at around $30,000.
Teachers
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 with at least 15 years of experience in
Luxembourg
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 earned up to $119,000 a year,
while
Linking Words
teachers
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 in
Denmark
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 and Japan with the same level of experience only made salaries of $54,000 and $65,000 respectively. Meanwhile, Australian and Korean
teachers
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 with at least 15
years’
Change noun form
years
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experience
Change preposition
of experience
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 were paid the lowest salaries, at $48,000 a year.
Also
Linking Words
,
teachers
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 in Australia and
Denmark
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 have less than 10 years to receive their maximum salary,
while
Linking Words
teachers
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
countries
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 had to wait for at least 30 years.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, teachers, luxembourg, denmark with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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