IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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To some, the animals living in the wildlife should not be protected, and doing so is considered throwing resources out the window. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement. Wildlife is beautiful and can provide a lot to humans , and our responsibility is to protect the creatures in danger from the damage we cause.
Firstly
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, the beasts need to be sheltered from any human activity that could disturb their well-being. They obviously provide a lot to our society, for many reasons. One of them is that they tend to be very elegant and beautiful, which encourages people to observe them, either on television or in real life. Many depend on the tourism brought by
this
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 wildlife.
For instance
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, many African countries,
such
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 as Uganda, base a part of their economy on safaris and visitors willing to discover the richness of the world.
Secondly
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, not only do humans have a responsibility for their protection, but they are
also
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 part of the earth, where no one has the right to consider whether a living being should live or not.
Furthermore
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, Humans have caused many troubles for creatures.
For example
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, in the Mauritius Islands, the Dodo birds once lived, which our ancestors ended up exterminating, since they were easy to chase.
Then
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, no criteria can justify whether an animal has a place in our world. The human is a living being among others , and no hierarchy should exist. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly think that we are highly illegitimate to choose by ourselves. The thesis seems illogical since we are not ourselves in the debate , and
that is
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 why I disagree. Many species will outlive ours. In my opinion, it is important to reconsider our place in the world.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your main ideas more fully in each body paragraph.
task response
Task response: You answer all parts of the task, but some ideas are a bit general. Add one more clear reason or result for each main point.
task response
Task response: Your examples are relevant, like tourism in Africa and the dodo bird. Try to connect each example more directly to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, 2 body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words a bit more carefully. Some sentences feel slightly sudden, so add simple links like 'as a result', 'because of this', or 'for this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some points need stronger support. After making a claim, add one short sentence to explain how it proves your opinion.
task response
You clearly say 'I strongly disagree' in the introduction, so your position is easy to understand.
task response
You use specific examples, which makes your ideas stronger and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main focus.
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