Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources

It is often argued that protecting non-domestic animals is a disadvantage for our society because of all the necessities that they demand.

However

, I disagree with that statement about the importance of all the races in the world and how we can not exterminate them.

Firstly

, aminals who have not been domesticated by humans are usually called “wild”.

Nevertheless

, we can not forget that

that is

their nature, their existence has never meant to be among humans. As I said, we can not separate them for their origins, because they were never born to do whatever the human race wants. An example that can support my argument is an article written by the FIGARO, a French newspaper, that said that creatures are happier when they are in the wild because they feel freer rather than in a house or a closed space.

Secondly

, I believe that not protecting those beasts is a big mistake for our future because they are necessary to the food chain.

Also

, many of these beasts are used for activities like hunting and if they disappear,

this

hobby will

also

disappear with it.

For example

, a survey conducted by the University of Yale showed that in 2022, the percentage of people practising hunting had decreased since the number of wild animals had

also

been reduced.

To conclude

, I agree with letting savage creatures live because they are crucial to our lives, and we can not forget that in the past, we were

also

salvage creatures and we can not force them to be like us.

Submitted by santos_dij on Tue Jul 04 2023

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Task Achievement

For your task response score, ensure that you develop your ideas fully and make sure that the position taken is relevant to the prompt. While you have expressed a clear opinion, there should be a more comprehensive coverage of the topic, reflecting all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Expand on the ramifications of animal protection and how it may or may not be considered a waste of resources. Addressing both sides of the argument before concluding will create a more nuanced response.

Coherence & Cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, you need to structure your essay more logically. Paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the next with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Each main point should be elaborated on with clear examples or evidence. Consider using varied linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main points of the essay adequately. Rectify the misspelled word "aminals" to "animals" and correct the term "races" when referring to species or animals; the use of 'races' is incorrect in this context.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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