IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that protecting non-domestic animals is a disadvantage for our society because of all the necessities that they demand.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I disagree with that statement about the importance of all the races in the world and how we can not exterminate them.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, aminals who have not been domesticated by humans are usually called “wild”.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we can not forget that
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 their nature, their existence has never meant to be among humans. As I said, we can not separate them for their origins, because they were never born to do whatever the human race wants. An example that can support my argument is an article written by the FIGARO, a French newspaper, that said that creatures are happier when they are in the wild because they feel freer rather than in a house or a closed space.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that not protecting those beasts is a big mistake for our future because they are necessary to the food chain.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many of these beasts are used for activities like hunting and if they disappear,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 hobby will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 disappear with it.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a survey conducted by the University of Yale showed that in 2022, the percentage of people practising hunting had decreased since the number of wild animals had
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 been reduced.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I agree with letting savage creatures live because they are crucial to our lives, and we can not forget that in the past, we were
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 salvage creatures and we can not force them to be like us.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
For your task response score, ensure that you develop your ideas fully and make sure that the position taken is relevant to the prompt. While you have expressed a clear opinion, there should be a more comprehensive coverage of the topic, reflecting all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Expand on the ramifications of animal protection and how it may or may not be considered a waste of resources. Addressing both sides of the argument before concluding will create a more nuanced response.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you need to structure your essay more logically. Paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the next with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Each main point should be elaborated on with clear examples or evidence. Consider using varied linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main points of the essay adequately. Rectify the misspelled word "aminals" to "animals" and correct the term "races" when referring to species or animals; the use of 'races' is incorrect in this context.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: