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Band 6

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada
#places #people #canada
The bar chart illustrates places that
people
 living in
Canada
visits
Fix the agreement mistake
visit
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. It is evident that theatre is the least favourite of all Canadians with new migrants born in other
countries
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 the lowest visit rate of only 10%.
Overall
, 65%
migrants
Change preposition
of migrants
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 born in
english
Change the capitalization
English
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 speaking
countries
 and 70%
Canada
 born
people
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
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cinema
.
However
, 55%
immigrant
Change preposition
of immigrant
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 born outside of
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 in
non
Add a hyphen
non-english
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english
 speaking places prefers
library
Correct article usage
the library
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 compared to only 50% of them that loves
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
.
Furthermore
, 50% of
people
 born in
countries
 that
speaks
Change the verb form
speak
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 and 42% of
people
 born in
Canada
also
 often visits zoo,
while
 theatre is not the top choice for all kind of
people
 that lives in
Canada
 with 25% of resident born in
english-speaking
Change the capitalization
English-speaking
show examples
countries
. In conclusion, we can say that Canadians that are not born in
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 that
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not speak
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 prefer to visit
cinema
 and zoo
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to theatres and libraries.
In contrast
, Canadians that are born in
countries
 that
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not speak
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 prefers
cinema
 and library.
Submitted by honzent99 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, canada, countries, english, cinema with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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