IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that reducing youth crime requires equipping
parents
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 with better parenting skills.
However
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, as
children
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 grow,
schools
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 play a crucial role in shaping their knowledge and life skills.
Therefore
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, I partially agree with
this
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 statement and believe that both
parents
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 and
schools
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 must collaborate to address
this
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 issue effectively. On one hand,
parents
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 significantly influence their
children
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's
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. The way they nurture and guide their
children
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 shapes attitudes and decision-making. Daily interactions, discipline, and emotional support contribute to moral development.
For instance
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, a report by the Canadian National Crime Prevention Center revealed that individuals from households lacking structure and discipline were 1.5 times more likely to engage in criminal activities than those raised in stable environments. By actively participating in their
children
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's upbringing,
parents
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 can help them resist negative societal influences.
Moreover
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, as role models,
parents
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 set examples through their actions and
behavior
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behaviour
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, which
children
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 tend to emulate.
Thus
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, educating
parents
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 on effective parenting techniques can help them foster a balanced and healthy upbringing.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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 provide an essential foundation for academic and social growth. Beyond imparting knowledge, they play a key role in preventing juvenile delinquency by instilling values
such
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 as empathy, responsibility, and perseverance. Many institutions incorporate life skills education and career guidance to promote awareness and deter illegal activities.
According to
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 the Centre for Social Justice in the UK (2023), rising school absenteeism could result in 9,000 additional young offenders by 2027 if left unaddressed.
Therefore
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, fostering a supportive and engaging school environment encourages students to learn from their peers and teachers.
This
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 positive influence helps steer them toward responsible decision-making and constructive social interactions. In conclusion, addressing youth crime requires cooperation between
parents
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 and
schools
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 to shape
children
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's values and
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. By working together, they can create a nurturing and structured environment that supports healthy development and reduces the likelihood of criminal involvement.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more explicit counterargument to strengthen your position. This could enhance the depth of your discussion around the importance of both parenting and schooling.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph for better clarity and flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a wider range of vocabulary and varied sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging the roles of both parents and schools very well.
coherence and cohesion
Clear and logical progression of ideas is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • equip
  • psychological
  • constructively
  • foster
  • empowered
  • isolated
  • escalation
  • multi-faceted approach
  • eradicate
  • peer influence
  • socio-economic status
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