IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #stores #development
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Recently,many
people
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 in several countries have preferred online shopping over shopping in
stores
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. It is obvious that the presence of technology facilitates daily tasks, including online shopping. I firmly believe that online shopping is a clear
example
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 of a beneficial development.
This
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 essay will demonstrate the positive aspects of shopping online
instead
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 of in
stores
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.
Firstly
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, online shopping is considered a time-saving option for many
people
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, especially workers. To illustrate,
instead
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 of going shopping in
stores
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 after work and waiting in long lines for hours, they can shop online and obtain all their needs via click in a few minutes with faster delivery.
For
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example
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, stuff from the supermarket and pharmacy,
in addition
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 to ordering foods during break hours,
such
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 as lunch
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Secondly
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, easy access to the websites or applications of many local and international brands since they are available on different electronic devices
such
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 as mobile phones, iPads,and laptops;
therefore
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,
people
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 can shop in worldwide countries in an easy way from their homes or offices.
For
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example
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, OUNASS is a luxury shopping application that contains many international brands and provides fast delivery of shipments within two days to one week, a maximum.
Additionally
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,some brands provide exclusive discounts for users shopping online.
For
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example
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, Zara, a popular clothing brand, provides a ten
percent
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per cent
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 discount for first-time online purchases.
Moreover
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, customers can follow their
favorite
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favourite
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 brand and be updated by receiving emails containing pictures of new collections and dates of seasonal offers.
To sum up
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,many
people
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 enjoy online shopping and describe it as an interesting experience, and it has advantages over shopping in
stores
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,
such
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 as saving time and effort
in addition
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 to providing customers with special offers.
Submitted by jumanh114 on

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accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos, as they can distract from your ideas.
task response
Try to balance both sides of the argument, even when clearly favoring one, to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical forms and to keep the reader engaged.
task response
Consider elaborating on potential drawbacks of online shopping as well, to present a more nuanced argument.
task achievement
Effective use of supporting examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear, logical structure that guides the reader through your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that frame your essay's argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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