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Band 6.5

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#college #students #schools #home #parents
Nowadays, there are many
schools
 that provide
students
 with two options, stay in a dormitory or live at home with their
parents
. There is an argument about whether it is better for
students
 to live in
schools
 or live with their
parents
. In my opinion, I think that
students
 should live in
schools
 and will discuss
them
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 in the essay below. These days, college
students
 don't prefer to live with their
parents
. But there are a few that still choose. Living with their family will save money paying for house rent and
also
 avoid costs associated with food.
For instance
,
students
 don’t have to cook or go shopping because they have their
parents
 to cover for them.
Moreover
,
parents
 will provide their children with comfort
while
 living with them. Because their kids used to live with them, it is possible for
parents
 to provide a more familiar environment than when they live in a dormitory.
Conversely
, living with a family member will affect their proactiveness and independence, and can affect their development in a bad way. A study points out that
students
 who live in
schools
 or rent a house using their own money will have more independence than
students
 who live with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in dormitories or rent a house will have a chance to learn to be independent, so that they can sharpen their survival skills for the future. They can
also
 be able to experience various cultures and opinions so that they can increase their social skills.
Furthermore
, they can have access to different study resources and have time for clubs
such
 as basketball or music
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
.
In contrast
, they might have to face financial problems, including school fees and other needs. But they’ll learn how to spend and save money in an effective way. Another problem they have to face is they might live with people with different religions and will have some opposite opinion about a problem.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that you present a clear introduction, clearly stating your stance on the prompt, followed by coherent and cohesive paragraphs that expand on your argument. Each paragraph should open with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. While you have mentioned general scenarios, including detailed examples, such as personal experiences or cited studies, will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a concise conclusion that summarizes your key points and reiterates your stance on the issue. This will help in enhancing the reader's understanding and retention of your argument.
task achievement
Broaden your perspective by considering and addressing counterarguments more in-depth. This will not only demonstrate your understanding of the complexity of the issue but also strengthen your argument by showing you’ve considered various viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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