IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s hectic lifestyle, people always prefer convenience over everything, and the evolution of supermarkets is a classic example of
this
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 statement.
Although
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,
according to
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 some people's notions, several small-scale businesses are slowly declining from the market, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, and in my opinion, the government should take additional measures to improve the welfare of local entrepreneurs.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on my views about preventing regional enterprises from shrinking.  
Firstly
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, microenterprises play an important role in a nation’s economic growth, which helps to build communities and bring more employment opportunities to regional craftsmen and handmade artisans.
Thus
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 helping the country attract more foreigners in the name of tourism. To cite an example, nations like India, China, Iran, etc. attract tourism mainly because of their culturally rich handcrafted items produced by localised shops.
Furthermore
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, products in supermarkets are up to a definite standard, and most of them started computerising checkout services to eliminate more manual labour costs.  
Secondly
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, microbusiness helps to make real connections with the local community and employees.
As a result
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, Small and medium enterprises can provide personal customer service and unique custom-made products as per the choice of the purchaser.
For example
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, If you want to purchase a cocktail dress as per your size and interest, H&M doesn't have the option to customise it
according to
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 your demands, but a home-grown boutique shop can.
Likewise
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, hypermarkets always prefer to have fast fashion in large quantities, which lacks creativity and uniqueness.   In conclusion, many small companies are unable to compete with the rapid development of supermarkets. I firmly believe that the government will look to the development of small and medium enterprises, and the above-mentioned points strongly support my viewpoints.

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task response
Provide a clearer position at the beginning of the essay to ensure the essay fully responds to the prompt
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a stronger link between the introduction and the conclusion to create a more cohesive and coherent structure
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rapid expansion
  • compete
  • closure
  • death
  • local communities
  • wider range of products
  • convenience
  • unique character
  • personalized customer service
  • unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • traditional skills
  • craftsmanship
  • support
  • local economy
  • decline
  • community spirit
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