IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #identity
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There is a saying that goes like
this
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people
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 should be allowed to hide their
identity
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 on the internet. Social online is a very common activity today. So, I will give my own opinion and reason in the article. I agree fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 with that saying. Nowadays that the Internet is so developed, we should avoid unnecessary
leak
Fix the agreement mistake
leaks
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 of personal
information
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. Putting your own real
information
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 public on social platforms can lead to online scammers and hackers gaining faster access to
information
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 and targeting
people
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 who
has
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have
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 been defrauded.
This
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 will
also
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 lead the personal property
is
Change the verb form
to be
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 under
treat
Correct your spelling
threat
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.
In addition
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, the
information
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 of some close personnel around may
also
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 leak, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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many
people
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 are implicated. I have
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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a friend,
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 showed his real
information
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,
this
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result
Wrong verb form
resulted
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 in the theft of social software,
then
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 the theft sent some unhealthy content, resulting in the friend’s account
was
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being
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 permanently banned,
this
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 is a very good lesson. So, I don’t think it's necessary to show
identity
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 online. But for some other special
people
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, it
essential
Add a missing verb
is essential
show examples
 to show their real
information
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 publicly. Some professionals tend to certify their
identity
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, that they are prominent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
 in various fields, and something issued must represent authority. The disclosure of real
information
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 will increase their authenticity and credibility
,
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apply
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 so that citizens can learn more knowledge in various aspects. And let them
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 well-known. In conclusion,
for
Change preposition
apply
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ordinary citizens, as little personal
information
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 as possible, for professionals should be as full of
identity
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 as possible, because it will be helpful to everyone.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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