IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Writing Task 2: People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #identity
There is a saying that goes like
this
people
 should be allowed to hide their
identity
 on the internet. Social online is a very common activity today. So, I will give my own opinion and reason in the article. I agree fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 with that saying. Nowadays that the Internet is so developed, we should avoid unnecessary
leak
Fix the agreement mistake
leaks
show examples
 of personal
information
. Putting your own real
information
 public on social platforms can lead to online scammers and hackers gaining faster access to
information
 and targeting
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been defrauded.
This
 will
also
 lead the personal property
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 under
treat
Correct your spelling
threat
show examples
.
In addition
, the
information
 of some close personnel around may
also
 leak, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many
people
 are implicated. I have
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a friend,
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 showed his real
information
,
this
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in the theft of social software,
then
 the theft sent some unhealthy content, resulting in the friend’s account
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 permanently banned,
this
 is a very good lesson. So, I don’t think it's necessary to show
identity
 online. But for some other special
people
, it
essential
Add a missing verb
is essential
show examples
 to show their real
information
 publicly. Some professionals tend to certify their
identity
, that they are prominent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
 in various fields, and something issued must represent authority. The disclosure of real
information
 will increase their authenticity and credibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that citizens can learn more knowledge in various aspects. And let them
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 well-known. In conclusion,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ordinary citizens, as little personal
information
 as possible, for professionals should be as full of
identity
 as possible, because it will be helpful to everyone.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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