The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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Nowadays, the phenomenon that more and more

people

Use synonyms

become overweight is ubiquitous and

this

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increases the pressure on the medical system since they need to tackle a wide range of diseases caused by obesity.

Therefore

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, a group of

people

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argue that settling more PE lessons in the

school

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is the most efficient weight to solve

this

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problem. In my opinion, I agree with

this

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idea. Generally, puberty is the best period to prevent obesity from happening because teenagers are more energetic than adults so they can easily lose weight through

exercise

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Hence

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, letting students take more physical education lessons in

school

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can definitely help them to control their weight, the more

exercise

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they do, the more calories they can burn.

Moreover

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, making

exercise

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a habit from an early age can have a profound impact, so when they grow up, they will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

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by osmosis.

For instance

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, recent research done by a university shows that individuals who

exercise

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from a young age have only a 10% chance of becoming obese.

On the other hand

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, only introducing more physical education classes in the

school

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is not enough, since

this

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can not affect

people

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who already graduated from

school

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and

therefore

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, the government should take more responsibility on increase

people

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’s awareness of staying fit and healthy.

This

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can be done in several ways including giving public speaking and installing more facilities for

people

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Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

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in public parks.

Besides

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, a healthy and balanced diet is

also

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important, so the government should

also

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release some leaflets or advertisements about balance

diet

Fix the agreement mistake

diets

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so that

people

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can consciously live a healthy lifestyle. In a nutshell, I think it is imperative to have more physical education classes in the

school

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in order to decrease the portion of overweight. Meanwhile, a healthy diet and lifestyle are

also

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indispensable.

Submitted by michellexiaedu on Thu Jul 06 2023

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion

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