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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
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The pie illustrates the proportion of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy citizens in three different age groups between 2000 and 2050.
It is clear that
Linking Words
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 0-14
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy tends to decrease.Meanwhile, the proportion of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 increase slightly.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 of Italy drop significantly. In 2000,the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 0-14
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Yemen
Use synonyms
 accounts for more than half,compared
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 over 14% of Italy.Only a very small percentage of people in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 were over 60 at 3.6%,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to nearly a quarter of the Italy
population
Use synonyms
.The largest group for Italy was the 15-59 year with just over 60%
while
Linking Words
Yemen
Use synonyms
 had 46,3% of its
population
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 group. In 2050 the proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 15-59
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 up significantly to 57,3%,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add the comma(s)
,contrast
show examples
 Italy
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 sharply to 46,2%.the number of people in Italy over 60 years old increased to 42,3% higher than
Yemen
Use synonyms
 only 5,7%.At the same time, the number of people aged 0-14 in both
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy decreased

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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