IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 have a tendency to squander money on frivolous things and take loans that are unnecessary for their well-being. In my opinion, there might be several reasons for
this
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 trend prevailing among individuals
such
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 as excessive promotion of consumerism and companies' aggressive marketing
strategies
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. I believe certain solutions can be implemented to deter
people
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 from making enormous nonessential purchases.
Firstly
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, one of the main factors that significantly influences consumers' purchasing behaviours is definitely advertising products aggressively.
People
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 are exposed to various types of both physical and online ads on a constant basis that make them familiar with the new products and encourage them to get those things as soon as possible.
In addition
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, current marketing
strategies
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 are mainly designed to convince customers in the idea that they need
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advertised products.
For example
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,
while
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 scrolling down our social media accounts, we are targeted immediately by many companies' promotion
strategies
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 and they unconsciously stimulate us to buy those goods and services even if we do not have
such
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 demands. When it comes to the ways of tackling
this
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 issue, one of them is certainly making
people
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 more aware of the devious marketing
strategies
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 created to attract individuals' attention and instil the idea of comfort and happiness gained through purchases of certain goods in
people
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's minds. By being alert of these plans,
people
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 can protect themselves from getting into serious financial difficulties by splashing their money out on insignificant items.
Furthermore
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, government officials can
also
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 intervene by monitoring the advertisements closely and imposing some penalties on the ones that are designed to defraud
people
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 by formulating unrealistic expectations. These regulations can force firms to pay close attention to the way they promote their items.
To conclude
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, even though consumers are inclined to buy unnecessary items even if those purchases lead them to have more financial burden, I am more of the opinion that
this
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 tendency is mainly
due to
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 the way the manufacturer companies promote their goods and services and
this
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 can be tackled by applying certain steps.

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task achievement
Consider providing more real-life examples and statistical data in support of your claims. This can strengthen your argument overall.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next. Use transition words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear and relevant introduction that addresses the topic effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your opinion, wrapping up the essay nicely.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Financial literacy
  • Retail therapy
  • Sustainable living
  • Minimalism
  • Psychological tricks
  • Credit facilities
  • Debt cycle
  • Budgeting tools
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