Music and other arts seem to be features of every society. In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals?

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It is believed that
music
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and other forms of
art
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are essential products of individual society.
This
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essay examines their significant roles in bringing educational opportunities to societies
as well as
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promoting relaxation among people. The primary importance of
music
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and
art
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for societies would be widely acknowledged as crucial learning resources. In fact, foreign
music
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is often used for an educational purpose at school to increase the familiarity of other languages and strengthen listening skills among students.
Consequently
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, it is thought to be an effective material to encourage them to pay serious attention to each sound and intonation.
In addition
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, paintings are another valuable form of
art
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since they express historical backgrounds and intense motives of artists.
For instance
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, Guerrunica, painted by Piccaso, skillfully illustrates chaotic situations of war, from which viewers sufficiently understand that severe sacrifices have been made including the lives of animals and people.
This
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eventually leads to the painting being frequently introduced in media and public places so it reminds people of the significance of protecting peace in modern life. As for their beneficial effects on individuals,
music
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and
art
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improve personal emotional conditions. Indeed, classical
music
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has a positive impact in reducing a sense of anxiety, which promotes optimism and happiness among listeners. It
also
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helps them boost their concentration
while
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they work and study.
Moreover
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, artworks
such
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as drawings and paintings have a healing effect as well. Pictures which illustrate splendid scenery of mountains and the ocean,
for example
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, allow them to forget about stressful memories for a certain period of time.
As a result
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, the ability to manage
such
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negative feelings enables them to overcome various difficult situations in life. In conclusion,
music
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and other
art
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are advantageous to society as they are vigorously introduced as reliable learning tools, especially in language and history. There are
also
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psychological benefits that individuals can gain from
smooth
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the smooth
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melody of
music
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and serene landscapes in paintings.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to directly address how music and other forms of art are important for societies and for individuals in your introduction. This directly sets the stage for your argument and makes your essay more focused.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, try to link your ideas more explicitly. For example, when transitioning between paragraphs focused on societal benefits to those focused on individual benefits, a smoother transition can be achieved by directly stating how one affects the other.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider expanding on examples by including specific studies or data where relevant. This strengthens your argument by providing concrete evidence to support your points.
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