IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that Zoo's are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however believe that zoo can be useful in protecting wild animals. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoo #animals
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The protection of animals became an important topic for a longer period of time because of deforestation and hunting. These creatures play a crucial role in our ecosystem. In order to protect them, zoos are built by authorities but some people are of the view that they are not good for their well-being and should be shut down.
On the other hand
, others say that they are helpful.
However
,
according to
 ,me zoos are beneficial for wildlife. In the following ,paragraphs I will discuss both views
as well as
 my opinion. The masses who are against shelters are because of cages. Birds are kept inside cages. The public thought that they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 meant to be free. They will lose the power of flying.
Thus
, citizens demand their independence. Another reason is they are used for entertainment purposes. Elephants, birds, and Monkeys are trained by staff so that they can earn money from them. They may be bitten by them to give perfection in the shows.
Therefore
, they should be out of these cruel places.
For instance
, a report posted in the news shows that animals are mentally and physically tortured by parks which slows down their reproduction ability
hence
, life span is not safe inside.
On the other hand
, there are some advantages too, First of ,all the Protection of the eco-system. Hunters are killing the inhabitants for business purposes or for eating. Which means a loss to their life cycle. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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mammals are
at
Change preposition
in
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 endanger of extinction.
Thus
, these places will assist
to save
Change preposition
in saving
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 them.
Moreover
,
Due to
 industrialization, trees are cut down, their living places are all ruined.
As a result
. they came out and entered into the cities
hence
, road accidents and risk to people increased because of wild animals
such
 as lions and tigers.
According to
 a study by environmentalists, various creatures are saved after the end of "Dudo". Recently, Pandas'
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 at risk, but
according to
 the report, now they are at lower risk.
To sum up
, Safari parks
are
Verb problem
have
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 proven beneficial, so that they can protect wildlife in the fast-paced era, so
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
 more steps to improve the services.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task prompt and include a clear opinion. The ideas should be fully developed and supported.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Use linking words to connect ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting details.
lexical resource
Diversify vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express ideas. Avoid repetition and aim for more sophisticated language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar usage. Use a variety of sentence structures and make sure that verb tenses and subject-verb agreements are accurate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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