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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 and multiple modern devices were invented in order to facilitate contact between
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that these technologies have allowed individuals to interact more with each other, others strongly disagree.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both positives and negatives of it and explain why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the possibility to easily reach
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are physically far away is one of the most amazing benefits of computing instruments. About half a century ago it would be unbelievable to think that two relatives in different continents could video call each other using a small smartphone,
for example
Linking Words
.
This
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 allows friendships to be maintained even when there is a wide distance gap.
Secondly
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,
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 provides multiple ways to search for friends that were lost in time. With the help of websites
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook or Instagram, it is easy to reconnect with old friends and cultivate relations that
otherwise
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 would be lost.
On the other hand
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, if not used with expertise, technology can
also
Linking Words
 pull
people
Use synonyms
 apart. Alongside the popularity of working from home,
for instance
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, multiple employees do not get the opportunity to have some face-to-face time with colleagues. In a similar way, some
people
Use synonyms
 end up staying a lot more in their houses, since even shopping can be done online without talking to anyone. These scenarios may lead to a feeling of loneliness and translate
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 higher shares of depression worldwide. In summary, recent communication instruments allow users to overcome distance and loss of contact
although
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 sometimes they might decrease face-to-face interaction. In my opinion, if used carefully, they represent an
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their social skills and contacts.

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task response
Consider providing more specific examples or data to further illustrate the points, such as statistics or studies on how many people feel more connected or disconnected due to technology.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the introduction by giving a brief overview of the essay's main points for better reader guidance.
task response
The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are well-supported, with clear explanations and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion wraps up the arguments neatly, presenting a balanced personal opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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