IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It has been frequently argued that the high authorities ought to invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the protection of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature,
while
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 others opine that they should give priority to the
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
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. From my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature`s preservation is far more important and the reasons for
this
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 will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the surroundings in which living beings coexist,
changes
Correct word choice
and changes
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 made to it has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impact
over
Change preposition
on
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 their health.
In other words
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation and its increasing demand
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
set
Correct article usage
the set
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 up of more industries,
whereas
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 the emission of harmful
gases
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 an adverse effect on the citizens.
For instance
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, after the industrial revolution, the proportion of patients suffering from respiratory diseases
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drastically surged.
Besides
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, the deforestation done for the construction of residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 had
distrupted
Correct your spelling
disrupted
 the natural cycle for
conversion
Correct article usage
the conversion
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 of carbon dioxide into oxygen.
Therefore
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, the breathing process of human beings is high
due to
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 disturbance by the world.
Furthermore
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, the technical devices invented so far and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
overusage
Correct your spelling
overuse
over usage
 is
also
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 affecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind in many ways.
Initially
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, the emission of deadly
gases
Use synonyms
 from electronic gadgets is cause for the biggest threat to the Earth.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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refrigerators, air conditioners and other appliances
relase
Correct your spelling
release
 carbon
monooxide
Correct your spelling
monoxide
mono oxide
 and other
gases
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 into the air,
however
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, these
gases
Use synonyms
 lead to
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
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 of
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
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 layer, and
this
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 layer is the most significant protection of the globe. To put it forth, the hole in the outer layer of the motherland could not completely reflect back the harmful ultraviolet
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
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, these are responsible for the deadliest skin cancer. In conclusion, there is no doubt artistic programs could play a significant role to enhance
a
Correct article usage
the
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 beauty of
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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, but
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 conservation is more necessary at
this
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 moment. It is clearly evident that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human survival is facing
from
Change preposition
apply
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a plethora of problems
due to
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exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
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 of natural
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
, so the federal body ought to conserve it.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate
  • allocate funds
  • environmental conservation
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable development
  • protect wildlife
  • reduce pollution
  • promote sustainability
  • artistic development
  • cultural expression
  • creative industries
  • nurture talent
  • artistic innovation
  • enrich society
  • budget allocation
  • prioritize
  • public opinion
  • government responsibility
  • social welfare
  • public wellbeing
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