IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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These days, the
government
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 spends a large part of its budget not only on public
services
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 on the
arts
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.
Although
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 I agree that it is important to spend
money
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 on public
services
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, I do not think spending
additionally
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 on the
arts
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 is a waste of
money
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. There are several reasons for spending a significant amount of the
government
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 budget on public
services
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. First and foremost, public
services
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
such
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 as hospitals, roads and schools, and these things determine the quality of life that most of us will have.
For example
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, if the
government
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 does not spend enough
money
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 on hospitals, the health of our society may decline.
Similarly
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, if not enough
money
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 is spent on schools, our children may not be properly educated.
Also
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, it will be the poor in our society that will be affected more if we do not spend enough on these things because they are the ones more dependent on
such
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services
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.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean that the
arts
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 should be completely neglected.
To begin
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, it is difficult for many
arts
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 institutions to generate much profit, so without some help from the
government
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, many theatres and other
such
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 places may have to close.
Moreover
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, the
arts
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also
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 have an important impact on our quality of life. Many people get great pleasure in going to see music and theatre performances so it is important that the
government
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 assists
such
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 institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public.
To sum up
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, there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public
services
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 as
this
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 influences the quality of life for nearly all of us. That said, I do not believe spending
money
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 on the
arts
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 is a waste of
money
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 as
this
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 too provides important benefits.
Submitted by Rosa on

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement at the beginning of the essay to clearly state your position on the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay has a logical structure, the introduction and conclusion need to be more explicit and strong.
lexical resource
Good use of varied vocabulary and expressions. It is recommended to include more advanced vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar. Try to incorporate more complex sentence structures to further enhance the grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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