Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Presently, there has been a growing concern about the

time

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sons and daughters spend on their mobile gadgets. Whilst psychologists claim that

this

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will have an adverse effect on them, others hold a diverse perspective.

However

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, I am of the stance that

this

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phenomenon promises social

as well as

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academic benefits. In the following lines, the reasons for

this

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new habit and its impacts will be thoroughly elaborated. To commence with, there are a number of reasons that make future generations prefer spending more

time

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on their mobiles. Since nearly all portable devices are connected to the Internet, young people, now, have access to an unlimited amount of information.

In addition

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to that, some social media platforms help young students communicate together on them.

For example

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, a recent study conducted by Egyptian students at Cairo University revealed that most students in Egypt have Facebook accounts that they use to chat with their peers and remain aware of their country’s affairs.

Thus

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, what can be deduced is that the chief rationale behind spending a great amount of

time

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on smartphones is the Internet and its merits.

Nevertheless

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, using phones for a long

time

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is seen by many as a positive development. When pupils spend their

time

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learning on their mobiles, they will progress academically.

For instance

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, YouTube has numerous channels that facilitate learning and make language acquisition simpler.

Furthermore

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, they can reach their tutors instantly by sending them messages.

Hence

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, what can be inferred is that without cellular devices, challenging academic subjects would have been monotonous. In conclusion,

after

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this

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essay has manifested the aforementioned points, it can be reiterated that the Internet is what makes young men and women use their mobile gadgets excessively. In my view, guardians should encourage their offspring to rely on mobile phones, but with parental guidance.

aeldawy95Sat Jul 08 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the increased smartphone usage among children and presents a well-defined stance on the positive aspects of this trend. However, the development of ideas could be more balanced to provide a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas and includes a clear introduction and conclusion. The use of transitions helps connect the different points effectively. However, there is room for improvement in ensuring a more cohesive flow between supporting points within paragraphs.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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