Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

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Nowadays, smartphones have become an essential device on a daily basis, as the younger generation views them as their most fundamental belonging.

While

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this

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trend provides disadvantages, it has more advantages in

terms

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of efficiency. It allows them to increase their workforce and communicable skills. I agree that

while

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there are several drawbacks to locating the phones as the most important device, there are more positive features of these devices. To start with the benefits,

this

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device makes many jobs become easier.

Firstly

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, communities can communicate with each other via online platforms provided by smartphones,

such

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as WhatsApp, Messenger, and Social Media. They can talk long distances through voice calls and video calls.

Secondly

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, the workers can create online meetings directly without getting together in the same place.

Thirdly

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, they can share anything by online chat,

such

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as presentation documents, pictures, videos, and papers to support details in their tasks.

In addition

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this

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, they can access various information wherever and whenever from the Internet to create an assignment.

On the other hand

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, there are some drawbacks offered by

this

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condition.

For instance

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, the accessibility of

such

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information from the Internet creates a lot of crimes in

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of plagiarism. There is no protection in the sources of data, whether it is accurate or not.

For example

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, people can copy and paste any. data from a Website without knowing the original references.

Moreover

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, sometimes personal details

also

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can be accessed through the Internet. It is a danger for users

due to

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many criminals and hackers use society's data for their personal goals. In conclusion, many mobiles are now extremely accessible and crucial for human beings. It provides obvious positive changes to their lives,

such

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as more efficiency in work.

However

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, it brings several dangers for users in

terms

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of including their personal space. To minimize these concerns, governments should provide strong safety legislation in

terms

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of the privacy of communities.

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coherence and cohesion

While your introduction clearly states your position, it could be enhanced by more clearly outlining the main points you will discuss. This will provide a better roadmap for the reader.

task achievement

In your body paragraphs, ensure that each main point is clearly linked back to your thesis statement. This will help maintain focus and clarity.

task achievement

While you provided examples of the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, include more specific, concrete examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion is generally well-written, but consider summarizing the key arguments made in the essay briefly to reinforce your overall message.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, indicating a strong understanding of the question.

task achievement

You effectively addressed both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, showcasing balanced argumentation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

connectivity
instant messaging
social media
access to information
entertainment options
addiction
mental health
face-to-face interactions
distraction
academic performance
productivity
privacy
security
personal information
misuse

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Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that mobile phones conversation should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Using computers for a long time may have a lot of negative effects on children so it should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?