Some people think the government money spent on supporting artists of all kinds, such as painters, musicians, and poets, should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree

How the
government
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spends its money wisely has become a major concern to many people.
Although
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some may argue that
government
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financial aid should be used for more urgent matters than supporting
artists
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, I tend to take a different view. Throughout the ages, men have created beauty through paintings, music, poems, and other artistic expressions,which are integral parts of the cultural heritage of human beings. Investing in arts often means that many different forms of culture are maintained: songs and literature etc.They all contribute to the richness and variety of human culture.
Thus
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,
government
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funding for
artists
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is particularly important, especially considering that being an artist is not a lucrative profession in most cases. There is no doubt that science and technology have had a great influence on modern society. The commonly cited example of the Internet boom and the need to keep pace with a fast-changing global economy shows us the importance of the development of science and technology.
However
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,
artists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
such
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as musicians,painters, and writers are still widely respected in today's world for a good reason. It is argued that arts allow people to gain a better vision of the past and how the world has developed and continues to change over time.
In other words
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, arts encourage folks to think and understand the mistakes made in the past and to reflect upon the great things that humanity has accomplished.
Therefore
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, governmental subsidies to
artists
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of all kinds are crucial. It is true that the
government
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does need to balance its spending and spend reasonably on supporting
artists
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,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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when there are many other significant issues that need to be addressed. In many countries, a large proportion of citizens still do not have easy access to education and medical care. In some places, famine and poverty are still national concerns. Considering that the budget of the
government
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is not unlimited, it should give its priority to issues related to people's livelihood.
To conclude
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, I believe that the administration has a responsibility to support
artists
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financially and the proportion of financial support should be carefully decided, which can be as beneficial to our society as what technology and education drive.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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