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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the number of years at school of two sex in Singaporean, whereas the pie chart depicts the educational levels between 2000 to 2010.

The bar chart illustrates the number of years at school of two sex in Singaporean, whereas the pie chart depicts the educational levels between 2000 to 2010.
#bar #years #school #two #sex #singaporean #levels
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The bar chart and pie chart displays, the number of years at a school of two sex in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Singaporean and
a
Change the article
an
show examples
educational level between 2000 to 2010. The diagram
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school expenditure and the proportion of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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students who gained a higher education in
diploma
 and degrees in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Singapore from 2000 to 2012. The information
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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given
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 US dollars in millions.
Firstly
, In the starting centre of 20, a boy was less than 10
on
Correct word choice
and on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 other side a girl was more than 5.
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, In 2004 a female was nearly 10 and a male was 20. 2008 a male is around 25 and a female is more than 10. a
ladys
Correct your spelling
lady
 was approxiesmently 35 and a
males
Change the noun form
male
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 was 20 in 2012.
Secondly
, in 2000 0.73 have completed a
diploma
 and only 0.27
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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with a degree but it increases in 2012
Change preposition
to
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0.68
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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with a
diploma
as well as
 0.32 with the post
gradution
Correct your spelling
graduation
. In conclusion, compared to a boy gets more education
then
Replace the word
than
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 a girl. A community have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 degrees
as well as
 higher
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diploma
.
Submitted by purvametaliya99  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diploma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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