IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Having a long weekend and
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 working week must be a dream of every employee in society.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe it is beneficial, others may oppose it. I strongly agree that having a short working week and a long holiday has a positive impact on mental and physical well-being
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and productivity. On the one hand, shorter working weeks and longer weekends can lead to significant benefits for employees' happiness and stress levels. They have more
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends, which allows them to share stories for stress relief.
As a result
Linking Words
, during working days, employees produce more productive and excellent work.
For instance
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, a survey by the Psychology of Workers' Health in Japan showed that individuals with extra holiday
time
Use synonyms
 and shorter working hours resulted in more optimal and higher-quality work compared to employees who have limited
time
Use synonyms
 off.
Furthermore
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, extra weekend
time
Use synonyms
 and shorter working hours enable
people
Use synonyms
 to develop new hobbies, and because they have ample
time
Use synonyms
, they can focus and develop expertise, which can lead to a second job and increased income.
People
Use synonyms
 who have an interest in photography or cooking usually spend their free
time
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 and improving their skills, and because of
this
Linking Words
, sometimes they receive money from their hobbies.
For example
Linking Words
, consider the story of Made, who works as a photographer and tour guide in Bali and acknowledges that the majority of tour guides in his company have main jobs in other industries,
such
Linking Words
 as consultant and engineering.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the reason they took part as guides is that they like to talk and share knowledge with new
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that shorter working hours and shorter office days will increase employee productivity at work. These
people
Use synonyms
 will have more opportunities to develop new skills, which
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 work-life balance,
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 them quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their families, and naturally
maintains
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintain
show examples
 their mental health, allowing them optimal performance in the workplace.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument supporting the shorter working week and longer weekends. However, ensure that each point you raise directly addresses the benefits you claim. This will strengthen the relevance of your ideas to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using linking phrases or sentences. This will help in guiding the reader through your arguments smoothly.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider adding more analysis or connection to your main argument. Simply presenting the example may not be sufficient to showcase how it directly supports your point.
Content
You have a strong introduction that clearly states your position on the topic, which sets the tone for the essay.
Content
Your use of examples is commendable, particularly the reference to the survey in Japan, which adds credibility to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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