Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

#people #idea #work

It is a common argument on whether geriatric should continue working if capable. In my view, I agree with them because it keeps them fit and they can fend for themselves.

This

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be discussed in detail in the next paragraphs.

Firstly

, I believe if elderly people work it would help them to stay healthy. It is a stage in their life that they need to exercise briskly rather than staying in one place doing nothing which may cause health problems like obesity

due to

their sedentary lifestyle. Doing activities like washing clothing, and picking fruits in the garden can help them exercise their back muscles which may prevent stiffness, a medical condition

that is

very common among seniors. Research carried out in South Africa Teaching Hospital indicates that 40% of the pensioners are being managed for chronic back, a disease that could have been prevented if they were still in the labour force.

Hence

, the

need

Correct article usage

a need

show examples

to continue working in old age.

Secondly

, If elders are allowed to work they will be able to cater for their basic needs. Most children nowadays do not look after their parents because they

felt

Wrong verb form

feel

show examples

they have their own responsibility and cannot support them with money.

Furthermore

, most of our retirees are yet to receive their gratuity from the government and they need to make both ends meet in other to survive.

As a result

, they need to engage in petty trading that could bring money into their pockets.

To conclude

, without an iota of ,doubt I believe elders should continue working because of the vast health-related effects it has on their body system and the income it would

also

generate

while

waiting for the federal or state government to pay their gratuity to avoid going from house to house begging for food.

Submitted by asaoluolayemi5 on Sun Jul 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt. Develop each point with more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments effectively. Consider reorganizing the essay to improve the logical flow and transitions between ideas.

task response

Address the prompt more directly and provide a more balanced discussion by considering opposing viewpoints. Include more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the arguments. Focus on providing a more comprehensive and well-developed analysis of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. many others prefer to work for a small company first. compare and contrast their choices and express your opinion

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? What can be done about this lack of sleep?