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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, a large proportion of the population spends a significant amount of their leisure time using smartphones rather than taking care of their health or engaging in self-improvement. It is now quite common for people to scroll through social media aimlessly in order to get a dose of dopamine. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend are somewhat controversial. One widely held view is that it may be
due to
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 the rapid development of technology. It is difficult to resist the temptations that smartphones offer. Another possible cause is convenience, as it is easier to find information on the Internet than to think independently. In my view,
this
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 tendency to spend free time using technology is negative.
Firstly
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, it is a harmful habit that gradually affects the entire body, starting with impaired brain development, continuing with posture problems, and ending with eye strain. It can
also
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 disturb sleep and collagen production
due to
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 the blue light emitted by phones, laptops, and tablets.
Moreover
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, excessive social media consumption can lead to serious mental health issues
such
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 as depression and anxiety. Even in less severe cases, it can rob us of the ability to think critically, pursue creative hobbies, and appreciate the world around us. I would argue that Internet use needs to be limited in order to avoid potential negative consequences.
To conclude
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, I believe that devoting too much precious time to smartphones should be considered a warning sign, as it can gradually kill our potential and future development.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the bad side well, but the reasons part is a bit short.
task response
Give one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. They are good, but add a few more simple links like 'also', 'for example', and 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main idea has enough support. One point about health and one point about the mind could be developed more clearly.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your main view stays the same from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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