IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The given diagram shows the approximate share of investments made by students în a university between years 2000 and 2010 By far the most dominant areas present on the both pie charts were food and drink (home) and utilities (electricity/water) where first one held steadily at around one third of
overall
Linking Words
 expenditure (29%),
while
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 the remaining was floating in a range of a quarter of total money spent (from 21% in 2000 to 27% in 2010)
However
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, there were other changes, that are worth mentioning. The main change was in clothing, with its proportion plummeting from 16% in
2000’s
Correct your spelling
the 2000s
 to 5% in 2010. Other areas have
also
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 suffered some minor modifications,
for example
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 transport domain, which increased its value by 1%
,
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apply
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 by 2010
comparing
Wrong verb form
, compared
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 to 8% in 2000.
Additionally
Linking Words
eating
Punctuation problem
, eating
show examples
 out
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
 doubled the original value of 4% in 2000. Two other portions of the chart, them being holidays
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 sports and cultural shown no change at all, remaining steady at 5% and 17% respectively

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task response
Write a short first line that tells what the charts show.
task response
Add a clear overview with the main trends, not only numbers.
task response
Check key facts very carefully. Say students' spending, not investments, if that is what the chart shows.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar points together, for example items that went up, items that went down, and items that did not change.
coherence and cohesion
Use full stops more often. Some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like also, while, in contrast, and overall.
task response
You included many important numbers from both years.
task response
You noticed the biggest change in clothing very well.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas mostly follow a clear order from major items to smaller items.
coherence and cohesion
You compared the two years many times, which helps the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
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