IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 spend a large part of their free
time
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 using a smartphone. From my point
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
 view,
this
Linking Words
 may not
the
Verb problem
be the
show examples
 best way of consuming your
time
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 off, but
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
show examples
 still be beneficial for humans.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals have the possibility to
use
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 their leisure
time
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 and technology for personal growth and wellbeing, which has a number of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the reasons could be the social connections that can be maintained with the help of apps,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 WhatsApp and Viber,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
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 users to stay in touch with friends and family .
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is especially useful for
people
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 who live far away. Humans are naturally social, so smartphones
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
this
Linking Words
 need conveniently.
Second
Replace the word
Secondly
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of
Change preposition
apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,
people
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use
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 their devices as a form of escaping from stress or boredom. It provides instant access to entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as mobile games and social media platforms, which is a quick and effortless way to avoid uncomfortable thoughts.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least important, not all
use
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 is purely entertainment . Phones can make users feel productive even during free
time
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, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be a helpful tool to learn new skills or study and work remotely.
Such
Linking Words
 platforms as Coursera or LinkedIn offer courses, educational content and language lessons.
Also
Linking Words
 at when someone finishes a
course
Punctuation problem
course,
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can get an official certificate
of
Change preposition
for
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 completing a certain course. In my
view
Add a comma
view,
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this
Linking Words
 trend can be a positive way of spending your
time
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 if you know how to
use
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 the available digital resources in the right direction. Taken as a whole, spending a lot of
time
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 online can be both
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
an advantage and a disadvantage , when it goes out of control
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and it becomes an obsession. If one understands the possibilities technology development offers, it can be used for the better, but, generally speaking, most
people
Use synonyms
use
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 it for pure
divertisment
Correct your spelling
diversion
.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map before you write. Start with a main view, add two or three clear reasons, each with a short example, then finish with a short closing line.
grammar
Check grammar and word choice to fix common mistakes like 'of' vs 'off', and plural forms. Watch sentences that are too long.
coherence
Use simple linking words to guide the reader: firstly, in addition, however, finally.
content
Be precise with examples. Explain how each example supports your reason.
accuracy
Improve spelling and punctuation. Proofread to fix misspelt words and cap only when needed.
content
The essay shows a view that phones can be good and bad.
structure
There is a clear plan with three reasons for use of phones in free time.
content
Real examples like apps and online courses are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
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