IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
#information #money #households #japan #malaysia #year
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The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,In
both
Use synonyms
 Asian
countries
Use synonyms
, they shared similar expenditures in 2010 where most of the money was spent on households , Food , Housing and other goods and services. The most valuable cost varies in
both
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 in the first pie chart is the services and other goods with a total of 29% ,
whereas
Linking Words
 in Malay is the housing with a total of 34%. Food is the second biggest expenditure in
both
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 ,
Japan
Use synonyms
 with 24 % and Malaysia with 27%,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 proportion. The lowest cost between
both
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2010 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care , where
both
Use synonyms
 percentages are minimum ,
Japan
Use synonyms
 with a 6% and Malaysia with a double less, 3% .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 there was a big difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transport in
both
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 , where
Japan
Use synonyms
 doubled their cost with a total of 20%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, both, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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