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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Public
health
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 is a multifaceted concern, and the approaches to enhancing it vary widely.
While
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 some argue that an increase in
sports
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facilities
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 is the key to a healthier society, others contend that
this
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 strategy falls short of addressing the complexities of public
health
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion on the matter. Proponents of augmenting
sports
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facilities
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 posit that
such
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 infrastructure encourages physical activity, a cornerstone of good
health
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. Regular exercise is associated with myriad benefits, including weight control, cardiovascular fitness, and mental well-being.
For instance
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, countries boasting extensive
sports
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facilities
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 often exhibit lower rates of obesity and related
health
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 issues.
However
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, a singular emphasis on
sports
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facilities
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 is criticized for overlooking the multifaceted nature of public
health
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 challenges.
Health
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 problems,
such
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 as obesity or chronic diseases, often stem from a combination of factors, including dietary habits, lifestyle choices, and socioeconomic disparities. Merely increasing
sports
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facilities
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 might not address these root causes. A more holistic approach to public
health
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 involves a combination of measures beyond
sports
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facilities
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.
Health
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 education programs can raise awareness about the importance of balanced nutrition and healthy lifestyle choices. Accessible healthcare ensures that individuals receive timely treatment and preventive care. Supportive public policies,
such
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 as regulations on food quality and urban planning, contribute to creating an environment conducive to
health
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. In conclusion,
while
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sports
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facilities
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 undeniably play a role in promoting physical activity and
overall
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 well-being, they should not be viewed as a panacea for public
health
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 challenges. A comprehensive strategy that encompasses education, healthcare, and public policies is essential for meaningful and lasting improvements. Striking a balance between
sports
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facilities
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 and broader measures is the key to fostering a healthier society.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear conclusion. However, you could enhance your task response by integrating more specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This would add depth to your essay and bolster your points.
coherence cohesion
You've organized your essay well, but to improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more naturally and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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