IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a 'gap year'; before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Young people tend to choose
traveling
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travelling
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 for a year as a chance to broaden their horizons, before beginning work or pursuing higher academic studies. For other individuals, they consider that a year-long span of
traveling
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travelling
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 is a time-consuming activity.
However
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, I strongly believe that a long period of time spent outside the country would benefit young people to understand their preferences and discover themselves.
Moreover
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, the chance of expanding personal horizons is a huge factor that can determine whether or not a person chooses the right life path.
Firstly
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,
traveling
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travelling
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 forces rapid personal growth. Handling logistics, budgeting, navigating language barriers, and solving unexpected problems
build
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builds
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 core competencies and emotional resilience that standard schooling rarely teaches.
For example
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, some articles point out the importance of a few months' break after academic pressure for the purpose of being able to take responsible actions for a better outcome.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 a lack of time management, academic stress, and lack of motivation, some individuals opt for a longer period of time to rethink their own plans by exploring history and a variety of cultures
which
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, which
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 can influence their critical point of view.
For instance
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, some studies suggest that students who have finished high school tend to explore the world and find new opportunities for self-development before deciding to pursue university or a career. In conclusion, individuals need to take a one-year break after completing an academic course. Even though visiting other countries contributes to self-development and growth, I tend to agree that overcoming and handling daily difficulties and discovering the inner self are important before heading to work or university.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk more about why a gap year is good, but you do not fully explain why some people think it is a waste of time or money.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the end and keep it the same all through the essay. One line says travel is good, but the last line is a bit hard to follow.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. 'Some articles' and 'some studies' are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order, but some links are not smooth. Make sure each body paragraph starts with a clear main idea and then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and a bit hard to follow. Try shorter sentences to make your meaning more clear.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should match the essay more closely. You say people need a one-year break, but the task asks about travel in a gap year, not only a break.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical paragraph shape: intro, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You give a clear main view that travel can help young people grow and learn about themselves.
task response
Your body paragraphs stay on the main topic of growth, learning, and future plans.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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