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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

It is true that
crime
Use synonyms
 rates are rising in many parts of the world. Given that
this
Linking Words
 trend can lead to a whole host of other social issues, including unrest, I believe that identifying the underlying causes is key to finding solutions. There are several causes contributing to higher
crime
Use synonyms
 rates in many countries.
First,
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the lack of resources and personnel can result in low rates of prosecution and conviction of criminals, leading to a society of impunity.
For example
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,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 Democratic Republic of the Congo has the highest
crime
Use synonyms
 rate in the world
due to
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 its weak and underfunded justice system, making it a challenging environment for both citizens and foreigners.
Second,
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high levels of poverty and unemployment can inflate a country's
crime
Use synonyms
 rate. In fact, if poor people cannot make a living and become starved, they will be more likely to engage in theft and robbery in order to survive.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of solutions to help make the number of criminals drop. Stricter laws and more severe sentences can act as a deterrent for people to commit crimes.
Realizing
Change the spelling
Realising
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 that the costs of breaking a law were higher would make any potential criminal think twice before doing so.
In addition
Linking Words
, augmenting law enforcement is key.
For instance
Linking Words
, hiring more police and providing training for them can help ensure laws are enforced, especially in big cities or densely populated areas. In short, the causes of the trend are associated with weak justice systems and high poverty levels.
Although
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 it might be difficult to reverse, I believe governments can take steps to address it by passing and enforcing stricter laws.

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content
Plan more before you write. Add more ideas for causes and more steps to lower crime.
content
Use more varied examples from many places, not just one country.
structure
Be clear: keep one big idea in each paragraph and say it in a simple way.
grammar
Fix small grammar. Use 'crime rates fall' instead of 'the number of criminals drop'.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like 'also', 'so', 'but' to help flow.
content
Be careful with facts. Wrong facts can hurt the view.
structure
Clear plan with an intro, body, and end.
content
Gives two causes and two ways to fix.
cohesion
Uses linking words like First, Second, In addition.
tone
The view is clear and keeps to the point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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