Living in a foreign country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, immigrating overseas territories has gained popularity.
However
, It is contended that communication in a foreign language can lead to various vexations in professional and societal terms. I tend to approve of this
mindset as it can diminish coherence in society.
One justification to hold this
view can be the fact that individuals in different languages are rooted in various cultures meaning that it can result in handicaps for both the host nations and immigrants. For instance
, the result of a psychological survey conducted in the US revealed the rate of mental issues ranging from anxiety to depression is considerably high among newcomers compared with the natives. Thus
, cultural shock is an inevitable part of immigration resulting in poor efficiency.
Moreover
, this
discrepancy can lead to less efficiency conducive to less productivity and accordingly
loss for employers. It is opined that although
living diverse
groups in a community can give vibrancy to it, it cannot be denied that too much cultural diversity undermines the cohesion of the society. To illustrate, international employees in a government sector may put their profit in priority to the host nation's privilege leading to a higher rate of financial issues Change preposition
in diverse
such
as embezzlement.
On the other hand
, some may argue that those who have settled in another country can be advantageous for both the host nations and themselves. From the receiver countries' perspective, they can provide them with professional labour. Furthermore
, they can take advantage of facilities centralized there to experience more welfare. However
, I refute them as the predicaments linked with interaction in a second language overshadow its benefits.
In conclusion, it seems rational to accept that the more one communicates with the mother language, the more mental and practical health will be brought about for both the person and the society.Submitted by samirakasraee72 on
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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the topic and provides a clear viewpoint, but there needs to be a stronger connection between the supporting points and the overall argument. Ensure that each paragraph clearly reinforces your main position and is logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical structure and help guide the reader through your essay more smoothly. Consider using more linking phrases to enhance the cohesion between ideas.
task achievement
While the essay does contain relevant examples, they could be more effectively tied to the main argument. Make sure that every example clearly supports the point you are making in the paragraph and the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and appropriate use of some complex sentence structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.