Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the era of digital advancement, the number of social

platforms

Use synonyms

is increasing significantly, potentially reshaping face-to-face interactions.

While

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it could bring many benefits,

this

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development remains a subject of debate. In

this

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essay, I will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of

this

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assertion and provide my perspective. On the one hand,

this

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substitution can make connecting and interacting with others more convenient, thereby helping individuals save on travel costs and time. It might become a vital aspect of managing a fully scheduled life without the pressure of time constraints.

Moreover

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, using these social

media

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platforms

Use synonyms

can maintain relationships with distant relatives or friends through the regular updating of their daily information on their accounts.

Additionally

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, many people sell items via live streams on Facebook, TikTok, or Instagram

instead

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of opening physical stores, enabling them to earn money more easily. Celebrities

also

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use these

platforms

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to generate substantial

incomes

Fix the agreement mistake

income

show examples

from their fame.

Thus

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, social

media

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plays a vital role in creating more business opportunities for individuals and contributing to the development of many countries.

On the other hand

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, depending too much on these social

media

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platforms

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can result in mental health issues. When direct interactions are lost, people can feel lonely and empty, leading to negative changes in their thoughts or increased stress.

This

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reliance on digital

platforms

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can

also

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diminish social skills, potentially leading to self-isolation from the real world.

Furthermore

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, cyberbullying is a potential danger for users of social

media

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platforms

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. Many studies have shown that victims of cyberbullying are more likely to use drugs and alcohol, and in severe cases, it can even lead to suicide. In conclusion,

although

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these social

media

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platforms

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could bring some cons

such

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as mental health issues, self-isolation, or cyberbullying, they

also

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create many pros related to enhancing connectivities, saving travel time and expenses, and offering new business opportunities.

Hence

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, I believe that the practical benefits it brings back outweigh the drawbacks.

cathyngo1512Tue Jul 11 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question by stating your position more explicitly in both the introduction and the conclusion. This will strengthen your argument and make your stance clear to the reader.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader more effectively through your argument. This will make your essay easier to follow and more cohesive.

Task Achievement

Include more detailed, specific examples to support your main points. This will increase the persuasiveness of your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, overweight and unhealthy children pose a problem. Some people say it’s the government’s responsibility to solve this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today ‘s world subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Cyclists and car drivers sharing the same road might cause some problems. What are the problems? What could be done to solve those problems?

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measurements can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.