Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you thing this is a positive or a negative development?
There is an adverse phenomenon in which more and more individuals are seeking substitute medical approaches rather than conferring with a doctor.
Firstly
, a vast majority of those who endeavour to cure themselves with their own method have the tendency to immerse themselves in a delusional where they are capable of managing the issues. Specifically, that state of mind is accumulated numerous times when they successfully treat several illnesses thanks to their medical decisions. In lieu of that, there is an imperative difference between casual health problems and severe ones, which is one of them cannot or is extremely unlikely to be treated by those who lack specialized pieces of knowledge, experience alongside paramount skills. For instance
, it is easy for everyone to boost their immune system by simply consuming a variety of vitamins, on the contrary
, treating various chronic diseases, such
as heart disease, diabetes or cancer is a strenuous task.
Secondly
, doctors are the people who devoted
their time and effort to reach the fruit in the field of the human body. Wrong verb form
devote
Therefore
, it is wise to discuss your health issues with an expert in order to have a bright awareness of your body's circumstances and be prescribed the most effective treatments. In addition
, they can give us a number of elaborated
and profound pieces of advice. Correct word choice
elaborate
For example
, most of our civilization does not acknowledge some signals of cancer as well as
innumerable other possibilities until a doctor told
us that those ailment potentials have already thrived.
In conclusion, some individuals hold the notion that they have the powers and abilities to tackle their health issues when in reality, it is the opposite. I wholeheartedly believe that scheduling a meeting with a medical expert or doctor is the most ideal and thoughtful way to maintain the best body condition, considering they have the expertise to do so.Wrong verb form
tells
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coherence cohesion
Ensure better coherence in terms of structuring your ideas. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, some parts were a bit difficult to follow.
coherence cohesion
One mark was deducted from 'supported_main_points' because the second paragraph could have been better augmented with more supporting ideas or explanations.
task achievement
In 'relevant_specific_examples', you lost one point because of the lack of a strong and relevant example in the second main point. Although general arguments are maintained, specific examples greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.