Due to increasing world demands for oil and gas energy, people need to look for new sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

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As global
energy
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demand continues to rise, more alternative sources of power in remote and untouched natural
areas
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are explored.
This
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approach might bring some benefits like covering the increasing
energy
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demand, but the disadvantages are more significant, especially in terms of environmental impact
such
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as harming the local ecosystem and long-term increasing climate change. Searching for new oil and gas in untouched regions may bring some advantages. These fossils are still the main sources of
energy
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, by detecting new resources the growing demand of our society can be covered.
Furthermore
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, the exploration of new resources can lead to a growing economy in these rural
areas
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. The oil drilling companies bring money to rural
areas
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as well as
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jobs for the people
around
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around them
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. The investment of these companies
also
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helps to expand the infrastructure with new roads and houses
as well as
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schools.
On the other hand
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, the exploration of rural
areas
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has
also
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disadvantages
such
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as environmental damage. One major concern is the environmental impact
by
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of
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conquering new fossil
areas
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. Many of these untouched
areas
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are rich in biodiversity, drilling oil and gas may destroy animals and harm the local ecosystem. By taking away the
natrual
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natural
living space of some animals, they will leave the area or even worse become distinct because lacking the right
breading
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breeding
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spot.
In addition
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, these activities often involve deforestation and pollution, which contributes to our ongoing climate change.
Lower
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The lower
A lower
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number of trees have
lesser
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a lesser
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capacity to filter the air and
therefore
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the pollution increases. Once these
areas
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are damaged, it is difficult or even impossible to restore them. In conclusion,
while
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there are some benefits to exploring
energy
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sources in remote natural
areas
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, the long-term environmental damage and the continued dependence on fossil fuels mean that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. A better solution is to invest in renewable
energy
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and protect our planet for future generations.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points about environmental impact and economic benefits. This will enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly signal the transition between paragraphs and points to help your reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Review the essay for minor grammatical issues and consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and conciseness.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint on the topic and effectively addresses the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is generally effective, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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