IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with online shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

It is true that when
supermarkets
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 and online stores become more and more prevalent, trade competition can be difficult for small-scale local stores. There are a number of reasons behind
this
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 tendency and several solutions should be adopted by the government and local
people
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 to improve the situation. First and foremost, as the large
shops
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 have a variety of products from clothes, electrical equipment, cosmetics, and many more accessories,
people
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 tend to choose shopmarts or use smartphones to purchase products in online
shops
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.
Due to
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 the prevalence of
supermarkets
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, small
shops
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 can in turn close. The large markets are usually in regions that are densely populated and transportation causes difficulty for children and elderly
people
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 to travel to these
supermarkets
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.
In addition
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, using the excessive phone to surf online sales webs is susceptible to eye disorders and diseases and phone dependence. Fortunately, several solutions could be taken to partly prevent
this
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 problem. The first solution would be the involvement of the government or bank, financial support, or loan
along with
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 low-interest rates to encourage shopkeepers to improve their infrastructure and increase the variety of their goods. The second solution is the local shop can organize discount and reward activities for lucky customers in order to motivate
people
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 to get out of their houses and limit abuse of online shopping sites. In conclusion, there are some negative influences from having too many large
supermarkets
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 and online
shops
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such
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 as the impact on the existence of small local ones and dependence of
people
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 on online shopping. I believe that with the attention of the local government and the shopkeeper's efforts, these issues can significantly improve.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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