IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people now wear western clothes as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this case? Is this positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development
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Nowadays, traditional
outfits
Use synonyms
 have disappeared in a race of new
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 designs. Because of
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
show examples
 trend in youngsters in adopting different cultures. It seems to me that,
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
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 of traditional and
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 wear should be balanced without missing any optimal opportunity.
To begin
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 with,
current
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the current
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 generation of people are moving straight forward to try
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 exotic clothes, whether it is with
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
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 casual style or with
suit
Correct article usage
a suit
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, jeans and
coat
Correct article usage
a coat
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.
However
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,
this
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 development
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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affected
market
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the market
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 of traditional
outfits
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, and so with
significant
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a significant
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 decline in sales of
local
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the local
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 and historical
pattern
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patterns
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.
In addition
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, youth in India has
also
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 been adopting fresh clothing collection which was brought from
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture. But
this
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 evolution will not only impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our own historical background but
also
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 reflect a new perspective of ourselves.
For example
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, western clothing will
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 us
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 persona, but we are
also
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 causing our traditional dress a burden. So upcoming generation could be the case of
this
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 argument.
On the other hand
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, if we compare our own
outfits
Use synonyms
 to
westerns
Capitalize word
Westerns
show examples
, which would reflect major
differentiate
Replace the word
differences
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 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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. Where kurta, sari and pagdi are
Correct article usage
the perspective
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perspective
Change the noun form
perspectives
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 of regular clothing
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
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 in India,
whereas
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 jeans,
suit
Fix the agreement mistake
suits
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,
cap
Fix the agreement mistake
caps
show examples
 and coat have
also
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consider
Change the verb form
considered
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 common to wear regularly in other societies.
For instance
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,
this
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 development could be both positive and negative, yet
Correct article usage
a balanced
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balanced
Replace the word
balance
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 between
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 two should be
crucial
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a crucial
the crucial
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 option to connect our roots to other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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. To illustrate
to
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apply
show examples
this
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, foreigners visit our country to adopt our literature, like how we live and wear
according to
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atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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.
Similarly
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, they
also
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 get amazed by our different patterns and styles in our local
outfits
Use synonyms
 same as when we try
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In conclusion, dressing
is now consider
Change the verb form
is now considered
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as
Correct your spelling
an
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 important personality, yet people would judge
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 by what they are wearing. In my opinion,
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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to
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of
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 traditional clothing should
be prioritise
Change the verb form
be prioritised
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first,
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but maintaining
balance
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a balance
the balance
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 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 styles is
also
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 pivotal for our character.
Submitted by user349953 on

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