IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a nagative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #nagative #development
Spending hours of time using
smartphones
 is what some
children
 do every day and in my ,opinion it is absolutely and negative development which we are faced with nowadays. Talking about the possible reasons behind
this
 fact I can consider two main reasons a) the busyness of parents and b) the advertisements around games for kids which can only be played with
smartphones
. It is evident that busy parents try to fill their absence at home, having no energy to spend with their
children
 will result in finding a new hobby for them to get busy with. On the other ,hand the impression of advertising media around games and entertainment which is completely dependent on smart devices
such
 as
smartphones
 is something
that is
 making
this
 issue more noticeable. It is by focusing on different kinds of games which are more interactive and requires social and real physical environments,
this
 problem would be decreased. As there may be some positive reviews about
this
 subject in mentioning the reason I believe
this
 habit is not a positive one for a child I can provide two important reasons. First of all
this
 routine will result in an antisocial effect on
children
 as they get away from learning how to participate in a group of people and keeps their actions flexible and naive. ,
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 some research that I have studied before shows that
children
 who use
smartphones
 continuously as their main hobby turns to be less creative in many different aspects
in contrast
 with the ones who spend their time playing with people or using physical types of entertainment. On the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
whole the fact that some
children
 use
smartphones
 every day for hours is a development that I find negative as I believe it would affect them in the way to be less social and creative.
Submitted by sagarhasanzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: