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Band 6.5

new technologied and ways of buying and seling are transfoming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agreeor disagree with this opinon.

#lives #consumers #agreeor #opinon
These days, we have many different
ways
 to buy
things
,A lot of
people
 love modern
ways
,
However
, other
people
 think the old
ways
 are better than the new
ways
.Personally,I believe there are a lot of
ways
 to buy 
things
.
However
, new
technologies
 of selling make our lives easier, in
this
 essay I will give my reasons. 
Firstly
, one of the main reasons is that new
technologies
 help make our lives easier,
For example
, these days many
people
use
 Apple Pay for their lives.
This
 means, if you want to buy any
things
 you don’t need to
use
 cash. 
Secondly
, one of the advantages of using new
technologies
 is that it is safer than using old
ways
. To illustrate, in my country when the coronavirus spread, we used new
technologies
 to buy food, clothes drugs and plenty of
things
.
This
 would mean, using online buying helpfully to keep our health. 
Thirdly
,
on the other hand
, some
people
 think the old
ways
 of buying some
things
 are better than the new far, because, they say the Old way of buying is safer.
For example
, these days, We hear about a lot of scams.
This
 means, that if you
use
 any website to buy
things
 you should put your account bank ,
then
 perhaps get scams. In conclusion ,I believe nowadays, we have many different far-flungs of buying, some of them are dangerous, in my opinion, the new far-off of buying is better than the old far.If you
use
 any website to buy
things
 you should put your account bank ,
then
 perhaps get scams.
Submitted by yosf1010 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be strengthened by clearly stating your position at the beginning and outlining the points you will discuss.
logical structure
Try to focus on making transitions between ideas clearer. The essay sometimes lacks smooth flow and clarity in how the ideas are connected.
supported main points
Some main points are not fully developed. Expand on each idea with more detailed explanations and examples to provide a stronger argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
A few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing impact the clarity of your ideas. Try to proofread your essay or use language tools to spot and correct these issues.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve your vocabulary and sentence structures to better express your arguments and make your essay more engaging.
complete response
You have provided a complete response by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion.
relevant specific examples
You have included some relevant and specific examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion, providing closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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