IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram show how chocolate is produced

The diagram show how chocolate is produced
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The given pictorial flow chart illustrates the procedure of
chocolate
Use synonyms
 production.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that there are 10 images drawn to show the process of manufacturing
chocolate
Use synonyms
 starting with it is grown and ending with producing liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
. Getting back to details,
chocolate
Use synonyms
 gets from cocoa trees whose pods are red when they are ripe. They are grown in South America, Africa and Indonesia. If pods are harvested,white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
 can be found inside them.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
beans
Use synonyms
 are fermented in a can.
The next step is
Linking Words
 to spread those
beans
Use synonyms
 under the sunlight to get them dry.
Then
Linking Words
, large sacks are used to put them in.
Secondly
Linking Words
, those sacks full of
beans
Use synonyms
 are transported to a factory by train or lorry. At a significant temperature, they are roasted.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the outer shells are removed and crush the
beans
Use synonyms
 in a machine.
Finally
Linking Words
, by pressing the inner part of the machine,liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
 is produced.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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