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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing peple of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

Some
people
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 claim,
music
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 is an effective tool to bring individuals together from various backgrounds. I partially agree with
this
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 point of view, as
music
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 can serve as an identity, fostering a sense of unity. On the flip side, it can
also
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 be a double-edged sword, which can cause a dispute between groups. For many years,
music
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 has served as a powerful cultural platform to connect individuals across the national, age and linguistic spectrum. It brings emotions and messages to melody and rhythm, allowing
people
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 to effortlessly enjoy the ambience. A clear example is the growing influence of K-POP over the past decade, having succeeded in uniting millions of fans from diverse cultural backgrounds and age groups.
Although
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 they do not speak Korean, together they learn Korean culture and language to strengthen their connection with that country.
Conversely
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, it cannot be denied that
music
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 offers various genres suited to different individual preferences. Indeed, some genres are typically associated with certain generations or economic classes, leading to significant disparities among
people
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 from various societies.
For example
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,
although
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 dangdut is considered the national
music
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 of Indonesia, many young
people
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 living in urban areas in Indonesia are reluctant to enjoy it
due to
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 its strong association with lower-class communities in rural regions. In conclusion,
music
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 has become a universal language that has the potential to break down cultural barriers and unite communities across different divisions.
However
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, certain genres are often associated with specific groups, leading to social division.
Therefore
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, I believe
music
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 can bring both advantages and disadvantages, and it is important to consume it wisely to preserve social harmony.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clearer examples or more detailed explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs to make the ideas connect more smoothly.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion with both sides discussed well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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