IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#changes #percentage #people #australia #town
The bar chart illustrates
Correct article usage
the percentagewise
show examples
percentagewise
Correct your spelling
percentage-wise
percentages
per cent-agewise
 changes of
people
 born inside and outside of
Australia
 inhabit in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
,
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 inside and outside
Australia
 majorly settled in cities in both two
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 of time 1995 and 2010 In 1995. Cities
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 showed the highest proportion in both figures of
people
 born inside and outside
Australia
 with approximately 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile,
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
,
inhabit
Correct word choice
and inhabit
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rural
areas
, showed
estimately
Correct your spelling
estimated
estimate
 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
people
 who live
elsewhere
. The lowest proportion demonstrated in
people
gave
Correct pronoun usage
who gave
show examples
 birth inside of
Australia
, same as outside of the country which is 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and about 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. After 15 years. Non-native Australian
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in countryside
areas
 decreased considerably from 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to the lowest point around 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2010, Rural
areas
 populated by Aussie
also
 drop from approximately 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to about 17
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the proportion of
natives
Fix the agreement mistake
native
show examples
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australians
show examples
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 in rural
areas
,
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living in towns
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shown
Change preposition
at estimately
show examples
estimately
Correct your spelling
estimated
 17
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and outside
Australia
 civilisation decline significantly
one
Change preposition
by one
show examples
 eight in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 with figures in 1995 which is 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Conversely
, Citizen percentages grow up from 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to the highest point (80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
).
Submitted by boocheapofficial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, percent, areas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: