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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The chart shows the changes of percentage of people born inside and outside of Australia live in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The bar chart illustrates
Correct article usage
the percentagewise
show examples
percentagewise
Correct your spelling
percentage-wise
percentages
per cent-agewise
 changes of
people
Use synonyms
 born inside and outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 inhabit in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 inside and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 majorly settled in cities in both two
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 of time 1995 and 2010 In 1995. Cities
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 showed the highest proportion in both figures of
people
Use synonyms
 born inside and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 with approximately 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
inhabit
Correct word choice
and inhabit
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rural
areas
Use synonyms
, showed
estimately
Correct your spelling
estimated
estimate
 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
people
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 who live
elsewhere
Linking Words
. The lowest proportion demonstrated in
people
Use synonyms
gave
Correct pronoun usage
who gave
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 birth inside of
Australia
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, same as outside of the country which is 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and about 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. After 15 years. Non-native Australian
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in countryside
areas
Use synonyms
 decreased considerably from 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to the lowest point around 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2010, Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 populated by Aussie
also
Linking Words
 drop from approximately 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to about 17
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the proportion of
natives
Fix the agreement mistake
native
show examples
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australians
show examples
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
,
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living in towns
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shown
Change preposition
at estimately
show examples
estimately
Correct your spelling
estimated
 17
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 civilisation decline significantly
one
Change preposition
by one
show examples
 eight in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
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 with figures in 1995 which is 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Citizen percentages grow up from 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to the highest point (80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
).
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, percent, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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