IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below illustrates the demand for electrical power in england during typical days in winter

the graph below illustrates the demand for electrical power in england during typical days in winter
The line graph and pie chart illustrate the necessity of electric power in different weather and for what purpose the
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used in England .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 is much needed in the winter season compared to
summer
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is used mainly for the purpose of heating rooms and water. In regard to the demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
, in winter the usage
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started from 33,000 units and in
summer
Use synonyms
 the value was from 19,000. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 winter started
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with the good digit, it faced
a fluctuations
Correct the article-noun agreement
fluctuations
a fluctuation
show examples
 than
summer
Use synonyms
 and ended up with the same initial range by 24th
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 33,000. Meanwhile,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
summer
Use synonyms
, the
electricity
Use synonyms
 use was quite stable and ended up with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 starting value of 19,000 units. In terms of usage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
, half of the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 was occupied by heating rooms and water.
Whereas
Linking Words
 washing machines, ovens and kettles hold the second place in the most used
electricity
Use synonyms
 equipment at an average
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 home, with a rate of approximately 17%. The appliances like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lighting, tv, radio,
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners, food mixers and electronic tools have a similar proportion of 15%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, summer with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: