All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#companies #sports #community #facilities

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Some individuals argued that huge companies should ensure sports buildings and social conditions for all residents. I tend to agree with that statement because the consequences of

this

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development can improve the standard of living and promote the organization. One of the compelling reasons for

that is

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the development of living standards. Since

Remove the comma

apply

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the government is not able to provide good facilities for locals,

thus

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it would be better if huge firms would help with the equipment and demands of citizens.

As a result

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, the country will upgrade its level of happiness, and these changes will lead to several advantages in every field.

For example

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, the Steppdunk company supported building basketball courts and gyms for all teenagers who have been interested in that sport. After 1-2 months almost one-third of the residents exercise every day in those constructions, and they become healthier.

In addition

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, some adolescents turned into professional basketball players,

then

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they tried their best in huge championships around the world.

Moreover

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, large companies can improve their popularity among people through the support of building some sports

centers

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centres

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and making

such

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donations for residents. For the reason that they are already profitable and those spending will not be a hard challenge for them.

Therefore

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, if huge organizations participate in some charities their name will be known to society and they can enhance their sales and services

due to

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large popularity.

For instance

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, Pavel Durov owner of the Telegram messenger, purchased education abroad for Kazakh pupils who did not earn scholarships.

Subsequently

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this

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donation became popular among the whole world and humanity started to use his app rapidly. In conclusion, by summing up these provided examples and explanations it becomes clear, that

this

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development could lead to benefits

such

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as the improvement of living standards and advertising of the company itself are the main reasons for

this

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statement.

Submitted by a.seytzhanova on Sun Oct 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that topic sentences clearly link back to the main argument of the essay, and make explicit connections between ideas to strengthen the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main point, and conclude with a summary sentence to reinforce the argument.

task achievement

While examples are relevant, ensure that they directly reinforce the main argument and add depth to the essay. Consider expanding on how these examples align with the argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the context and summarizing effectively.

task achievement

Examples provided are relevant and specific, illustrating the points effectively.

task achievement

The response fully addresses the question, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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