Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Nowadays many youngsters tend to spend their valuable time on their smartphones, it is because the development of digitalization is very fast and affects every part of their life. There are many reasons behind
this
situation and I find this
development more beneficial than the negative sides. In the following paragraph, I will examine my point of view and will give detailed information.
First of all, the reason for the over-usage of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefit that they provide. Smartphones connected to the internet open up many possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media all over the world. For instance
, a child in my neighbourhood chats with his friends for hours through social applications such
as WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram and also
spends time playing video games
. In addition
, playing video games
, especially multiple games
is another major reason for this
situation. While
playing video games
online, they forget the timing and they may not study for their lessons.
However
, smartphones have also
provided crucial information and knowledge for pupils. It has developed some important social skills, such
as communication skills, teamwork and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance. In addition
, children can learn through the internet, by watching online videos and reading articles or sharing their knowledge, which ultimately help
them in their studies Change the verb form
helps
as well as
language skills. For example
, whenever my niece requires to learn about something, she searches on the internet by herself and finds a bunch of information. Moreover
, online teaching methods have been applied in many schools recently, they help to attend many personal development courses without going anywhere.
To sum up
, it is an undeniable fact that, improvements in digital platforms and devices will be affecting all parts of our lives. Even though,
there are drawbacks, digitalization offers many benefits. Parents should supervise their children to use smart devices in a good manner and keep them away from harmful effects.Remove the comma
apply
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clear logical structure, with better paragraphing and more explicit linking devices to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a strong thesis statement and summarizing final thoughts that closely reflect the content discussed.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but the support occasionally lacks depth and doesn't always clearly relate back to the central issue of the impact of smartphone usage by children.
task achievement
Essay touches on the task's topic, but it doesn't fully address all parts of the prompt, particularly the implications of children spending hours on smartphones and an analysis thereof.
task achievement
Ideas need to be developed more comprehensively, including exploring the negative consequences of extensive smartphone use and comparing them in a more balanced way with the positives.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, but the essay could benefit from more specific evidence and a wider range of examples to strengthen the argument.
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