Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

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Nowadays many youngsters tend to spend their valuable time on their smartphones, it is because the development of digitalization is very fast and affects every part of their life. There are many reasons behind

this

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situation and I find

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development more beneficial than the negative sides. In the following paragraph, I will examine my point of view and will give detailed information. First of all, the reason for the over-usage of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefit that they provide. Smartphones connected to the internet open up many possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media all over the world.

For instance

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, a child in my neighbourhood chats with his friends for hours through social applications

such

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as WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram and

also

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spends time playing video

games

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In addition

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, playing video

games

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, especially multiple

games

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is another major reason for

this

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situation.

While

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playing video

games

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online, they forget the timing and they may not study for their lessons.

However

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, smartphones have

also

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provided crucial information and knowledge for pupils. It has developed some important social skills,

such

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as communication skills, teamwork and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance.

In addition

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, children can learn through the internet, by watching online videos and reading articles or sharing their knowledge, which ultimately

help

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helps

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them in their studies

as well as

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language skills.

For example

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, whenever my niece requires to learn about something, she searches on the internet by herself and finds a bunch of information.

Moreover

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, online teaching methods have been applied in many schools recently, they help to attend many personal development courses without going anywhere.

To sum up

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, it is an undeniable fact that, improvements in digital platforms and devices will be affecting all parts of our lives. Even though

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there are drawbacks, digitalization offers many benefits. Parents should supervise their children to use smart devices in a good manner and keep them away from harmful effects.

Submitted by nurullahgultekin3451 on Tue Jan 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay needs a clear logical structure, with better paragraphing and more explicit linking devices to improve coherence.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a strong thesis statement and summarizing final thoughts that closely reflect the content discussed.

coherence cohesion

Main points are supported, but the support occasionally lacks depth and doesn't always clearly relate back to the central issue of the impact of smartphone usage by children.

task achievement

Essay touches on the task's topic, but it doesn't fully address all parts of the prompt, particularly the implications of children spending hours on smartphones and an analysis thereof.

task achievement

Ideas need to be developed more comprehensively, including exploring the negative consequences of extensive smartphone use and comparing them in a more balanced way with the positives.

task achievement

Relevant examples are provided, but the essay could benefit from more specific evidence and a wider range of examples to strengthen the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

337 words

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Your opinion

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

Compare and contrast eating out and cooking at home

hese days internet-based courses have become a popular alternative to university-based courses. Some students prefer this type of learning because they do not need to attend lectures. Others argue that it is important to study at university. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many countries spend large amounts of money on preparing competitors for major world sporting events such as the Olympic Games and football World Cup. Instead, this money can be spent on encouraging children to take up sports at a young age.To what extent do you agree or disagree?