IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes，such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals opine that underage children who are barely 18 years of age should be sentenced the exact same as mature people who have been charged with unavoidable offences,
such
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 as mugging or serious physical threats. I strongly disagree with
this
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 concept.
This
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 essay will explain the differences
along with
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 my perspective in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, people who
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with the statement believe that illegal acts should not be ignored. It can only hike the crime rate. Generally, young children mostly follow other people, they are unaware of the consequences of their actions.
For instance
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, a mother and her one-year-old child were smashed on the road by a group of
16 years old
Correct your spelling
16-year-old
 boys
due to
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 unbalanced the vehicle because of high speeding. The boy who drove that vehicle was sentenced to 17 years in prison.
Therefore
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, guilt should be punished, so it will not spread.
On the other hand
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, some citizens disagree with the statement,
young
Correct word choice
that young
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 children are the youth of the country. Harsh punishments will destroy their innocence. It will not only destroy their Present but
also
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 the future. Everyone needs one chance to prove themselves. Most of the mistakes are not planned, they just happened coincidently.
For example
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, as per a survey, 90 % of doctors believe that the human soul is innocent, until, it
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 threatened for reasons. It depends on every personality what they want to become. They will be harsher by getting harsh treatment.
Thus
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, at least one change to the youth of the county so they can improve themselves. To summarise, crime should not be avoidable but there should be differences between the punishment of the adults or the underage personalities.

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear and consistent position on the topic. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and then support it throughout the essay. Address the prompt directly and stay focused on the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and the ideas are not developed in a logical order. Work on organizing your paragraphs in a more coherent manner, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Also, make sure to include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.
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